This is my newspaper column for next week:
Being a marriage therapist and a Titans fan I offered to donate my services for couples counseling to Jeff Fisher and Vince Young. Though a clear violation of client confidentiality I’m publishing here a partial transcript of our first session on Wednesday.
Counselor: Thank you both for being here today. Do either of you have questions as we begin?
Vince: Is it OK if I Twitter during the session?
C: No.
Jeff: What time does this end; I have another Saint Thomas commercial to shoot.
C: I can see reconciliation is high on your agendas.
J: I’m not high. Why would you say that?
C: No, I meant…never mind. Jeff, I understand that you didn’t invite Vince over to spend Thanksgiving with your family. Why is that?
J: You’re kidding, right?
C: Vince, if Jeff had invited you, would you have gone?
V: I don’t know. Did they have fried turkey or just oven roasted? Actually, he’s never invited me over for Thanksgiving. I bet Kerry Collins has been there.
C: That sounds like a resentment with some history to it. I think we’re getting somewhere.
V: I bet Coach & his wife and Collins & his wife are all just real cozy friends.
C: Jeff is divorced, Vince.
V: Oh, well… Coach has never really wanted me. I know he really wanted Matt Leinart or Jay Cutler in the draft.
J: Maybe. OK, so Vince wasn’t my first choice. But Mr. Please-Bud-Out Adams wanted a new toy. And one from Texas.
C: Hmmm, another clear vein of resentment. We’re making progress. Please continue…
J: Aw c’mon, the owner is 137 years old and is in bed before 6:00 SportsCenter. He doesn’t know what goes on in the real world of football.
C: Jeff, would you prefer to work for an owner who is more knowledgeable, but stalks the sidelines, and gets involved in everything like Jerry Jones?
J: Is the Cowboys job open?
C: Wow, your face really lit up there, Jeff. But I think you probably have a better shot with the Bears. But that’s not important right now. Back to the rift between the two of you. Jeff, I understand that Vince sent you an apology on Monday after the game. An olive branch of sorts.
J: Yes, but it fell short just like most of his passes.
C: That’s really cold. How does that make you feel, Vince?
V: I think Coach is glad I’m out for the season, that my thumb is messed up.
J: Yea, now you can just sit at home and suck your thumb like a b…
C: I think that was uncalled for…
J: He makes Randy Moss seem like a mature Scout leader by comparison.
C: I think this spiraling down…
J: You mean, like a tight spiral, on target to a receiver? That might be a first.
C: Alright, I think we’ve done enough damage here today. Vince, anything you’d like to say before we go?
V: Hold on, I’m getting a text. It’s from Mr. Adams. He says, “Vincent, what are you doing for Christmas? Love, Bud.”
J: Oh he’s your love bud, alright. Christmas with the Addams Family. I’d hate to miss that comic farce.
C: We’re definitely done here.
V: Yo shrink, this session was really short and not helpful at all. You get paid for doing this?
C: Well, when you’re on a tight deadline and have a 600-word limit, you can’t expect miracles.
--rLp--
Hilarious!
Posted by: Diane Sirmans | November 26, 2010 at 02:00 PM